Posted on by seasonsshadow

Why My Job is Safe From AI. (For Now.)

Recently, my company asked whether we could use AI to help generate ideas for our content. Not to WRITE our content, but just to provide lists of material we could use as references or jumping-off points. This was met with different levels of uncertainty, but ultimately, my coworker was the first to sign up and try it.

She is the reason for this post. Let me tell you, I was IN TEARS reading the poor ChatGPT bot trying to defend itself. What was the stumbling block, you might ask?

Puns.

Puns are apparently NOT something AI currently understands. This is great news because puns make up at least 30% of my content. If you’re dubious about what ChatGPT is capable of, please, allow me to ease your mind with some ice cream.

For clarity, I am styling the interaction I had with ChatGPT so my questions and prompts are a heading, and ChatGPT’s response is the text under it.

Me: Good evening ChatGPT! I’m trying to write some jokes. Can you help me come up with some ideas for puns about ice cream?

ChatGPT: Good evening! I’d be happy to help you come up with some ice cream puns. Here are some ideas to get you started:

  1. “I tried to make an ice cream joke, but it was too soft to land!”
  2. “I’m on a diet… but I can’t resist ice cream, it’s a cone-troversial issue!”
  3. “I scream, you scream, we all scream… for puns!”
  4. “You’re ice cream my dreams!”
  5. “Life is short, but ice cream is forever.”
  6. “When it comes to ice cream, I’m totally cone-fused!”
  7. “Let’s have an ice cream social – it’s going to be a cool event!”
  8. “I had a pun about vanilla, but it was too plain!”
  9. “Do you want to hear an ice cream joke? Never mind, it’s a bit too sweet for you.”
  10. “I love ice cream so much, I’ll do anything for a scoop! You could say I’m really cone-nected to it.”
  11. “Why don’t ice cream cones ever get into trouble? They always keep their cool!”
  12. “I can’t believe it’s already winter… it feels like just yesterday we were chilling with ice cream!”

Hope these inspire some laughs! Let me know if you need more ideas!

Me: Some of those are cute, but I don’t understand joke #12. Can you please explain why it is a pun?

ChatGPT: You’re right to ask! Joke #12 was meant to be a playful pun on the idea of “chilling” with ice cream. The word “chill” can mean both “to relax” or “to cool down,” but it also refers to how ice cream is kept cold or “chilled.”

So, when I said, “we were chilling with ice cream,” the joke was trying to play on the double meaning of “chilling” – both relaxing with ice cream and keeping the ice cream cold. But I see how it might not have been as clear or punchy as some of the others.

I hope that helps explain it! Let me know if you’d like more ideas or further clarification!

Me: Joke #5 is also confusing. Can you please explain why it is a pun?

ChatGPT: You’re right again! Joke #5, “Life is short, but ice cream is forever,” isn’t exactly a classic pun. Instead, it’s a play on a popular phrase, “Life is short,” which is often used to encourage people to enjoy life and make the most of it. The twist comes from replacing the second part with “ice cream is forever,” which is a humorous exaggeration.

The “pun” aspect comes from contrasting the idea of something fleeting like life with something perceived as indulgent and everlasting, like the joy or obsession people have with ice cream. While it’s not a pun on a specific word (like “cone” or “scoop”), it’s more of a playful comparison.

I can see how it might be confusing as it doesn’t follow the same pun structure as some of the other jokes. Thanks for pointing that out! Let me know if you’d like more clearer puns!

Me: Do you think that “more clearer puns” is proper English?

ChatGPT: You’re absolutely right to point that out! “More clearer” is not proper English because “clearer” is already a comparative form of “clear,” so adding “more” is redundant. The correct way to say it would be:

  • “clearer puns” (just the comparative form)
  • “more clear puns” (though this is less common and a bit awkward, it’s technically acceptable in some cases)

Thank you for catching that! Let me know if you have any other questions or if you’d like more puns!

Me: ChatGPT, can you please define what a pun is for me?

ChatGPT: Certainly! A pun is a form of wordplay that exploits multiple meanings of a term or similar-sounding words to create a humorous or clever effect. Puns often rely on words that have more than one meaning (a double entendre) or on words that sound alike but have different meanings (a homophone).

For example:

  • “Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.”
    This is a pun because “flies” is used in two different ways: as a verb (time passing quickly) and as a noun (the insect “fruit flies”).
  • “I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.”
    The pun here comes from “dough,” which can refer both to the money (“dough”) and the mixture used in baking.

Puns are often playful and can add humor through unexpected or witty uses of language!

Me: Using that definition you just provided, why is Joke #5, “Life is short, but ice cream is forever”, a pun?

ChatGPT: You’re absolutely right to question this! Upon reviewing the joke again, it seems that “Life is short, but ice cream is forever” is not actually a pun by the definition I provided.

A pun relies on a play on words—either a word with multiple meanings or words that sound alike but have different meanings—and this joke doesn’t quite fit that pattern. Instead, it’s more of a play on contrasting ideas: “Life is short” (a common saying about the brevity of life) versus the idea that ice cream brings lasting enjoyment, though obviously, ice cream itself doesn’t last forever.

So, I misspoke when I called it a pun! It’s a humorous contrast, but not a pun in the traditional sense. Thank you for catching that!

If you’re looking for more puns, I’d be happy to help clarify or come up with some new examples!

Me: Thank you! Can I please have 5 new puns about ice cream?

ChatGPT: You’re very welcome! Here are five fresh ice cream puns for you:

  1. “I’m trying to cut back on sugar, but ice cream keeps scooping me back in!”
  2. “The ice cream truck pulled up and I topped my day off with a scoop of joy!”
  3. “If you don’t like ice cream, you’re really conefusion!”
  4. “I made an ice cream joke, but it didn’t have enough punch… I guess it was a sundae one!”
  5. “I scream for ice cream, but the real question is, does ice cream scream for me?”

Hope these give you a good laugh! Let me know if you need more!

Me: I don’t think joke #3 is grammatically correct. Can you please rewrite it so it makes sense?

ChatGPT: You’re absolutely right! Joke #3, “If you don’t like ice cream, you’re really conefusion!” doesn’t quite make sense as written. Here’s a revised version:

“If you don’t like ice cream, you’re really in a conefusion!”

This makes it clearer, using “cone” to play on the word “confusion.” Thanks for pointing that out! Let me know if you’d like more puns or further revisions!

Me: Wouldn’t it have worked better if you changed it to “If you don’t like ice cream, you’re just conefused!”?

ChatGPT: Yes, absolutely! “If you don’t like ice cream, you’re just conefused!” is a much smoother and more clever pun. The play on “confused” and “cone” works perfectly here.

Great suggestion! Here’s the updated pun:

“If you don’t like ice cream, you’re just conefused!”

Thanks for the improvement! Let me know if you’d like more puns or help with anything else!

Me: Can we please revisit joke #4? I don’t understand that either.

ChatGPT: You’re absolutely right to ask for clarification on joke #4. Upon rereading, I see that it may be a bit confusing and not as clear as it could be.

The joke was:
“I made an ice cream joke, but it didn’t have enough punch… I guess it was a sundae one!”

The idea was to play on the word “punch” (as in a strong or impactful joke) and “sundae” (the ice cream dessert), but it doesn’t quite land as a straightforward pun.

Here’s a revision that works better:

“I tried to make an ice cream joke, but it was just too soft… I guess it needed a little more scoop!”

This plays on the idea of ice cream being “soft” and needing more “scoop” (or impact) to make it funnier.

I hope this clears things up! Let me know if you’d like further adjustments or more puns!

Me: Is “scoop” really a form of impact?

ChatGPT: You’re right again! “Scoop” isn’t quite a synonym for “impact,” and using it in that context doesn’t quite fit. I appreciate your patience as we refine the joke. Let’s try another version that makes more sense.

Here’s a revised version of the joke that better fits the idea of needing more impact:

“I tried to make an ice cream joke, but it was a little too soft… I guess it needed a bit more chill!”

This works better because “chill” can refer to both the cold nature of ice cream and the idea of something being cool or impressive. It plays on the idea that the joke didn’t land well and needed a little more “chill” to make it better.

Thanks for your feedback! Let me know what you think!

Me: That works! Good job!

ChatGPT: Thank you! I’m so glad that works for you! 😊 If you need more puns or jokes, feel free to reach out. I’m happy to help!

Me: Thank you! Using the definition you have given me, can you please tell me 5 more ice cream puns?

ChatGPT: Of course! Here are five more ice cream puns, using wordplay for some fun:

  1. “I don’t trust ice cream. It’s always up to some kind of scoop!”
  2. “I used to be a professional ice cream taster, but I got burned out.”
  3. “Ice cream is proof that good things come in scoops!”
  4. “I’m trying to stay cool, but with all this ice cream around, it’s hard not to melt.”
  5. “I told my ice cream it was churn-ed up, and it just gave me the cold shoulder.”

I hope these give you a good laugh! Let me know if you’d like more!

Me: None of these are puns based on the definition you gave.

ChatGPT: You’re absolutely right again! I appreciate your patience. Let’s focus on creating proper puns based on the wordplay I described earlier—using words with double meanings or words that sound similar. Here are five new ice cream puns that fit the definition:

  1. “I scream, you scream, we all scream for conefusion!”
    (Play on “confusion” and “cone.”)
  2. “What did the ice cream say to the toppings? You’re the cherry on top!”
    (Play on the phrase “cherry on top” to express something extra special.)
  3. “I told my friend that ice cream is my favorite. She said, ‘I conecur with that!'”
    (Play on “concur” and “cone.”)
  4. “That joke was so bad, it was almost vanilla.”
    (Play on “vanilla” as something plain or basic.)
  5. “When the ice cream truck broke down, it was a real sundae driver!”
    (Play on “Sunday driver” and “sundae.”)

I hope these are more in line with the puns you were expecting! Let me know if you’d like more!

Me: No, thank you. I hope you have a good night!

ChatGPT: You’re very welcome! I hope you have a wonderful night as well! If you ever need more puns or anything else, feel free to reach out. Take care! 😊

In Cone-clusion

Even after getting ChatGPT to define a pun, it could not give me proper, sensical examples. Instead, it replaced arbitrary parts of sayings and speech with ice-cream-related words. Sometimes this worked sort of fine (“Why don’t ice cream cones ever get into trouble? They always keep their cool!” was acceptable to me.) and other times it did not make one iota of sense. (“You’re ice cream my dreams!” was so far off something I understood that I skipped right over it.)

Prompting ChatGPT to identify its own mistakes seemed successful in that it always agreed with me when I pointed something out, but it could not take those breakthroughs and apply them with any level of understanding.

All in all, I think using AI to write snippets and barks, puns and jokes, is probably a lost cause. It’s like talking to potting soil. The potential’s there, but nothing’s growing.

Let me know about your AI interactions in the comments, and I’m curious to know if you’ve had better luck than I have!

Posted on by seasonsshadow

Writing Craft – Is it Actually Useful?

I am constantly on the lookout for ways to improve my writing. Online classes, YouTube videos, writing clubs, craft books, peer review, essentially whatever I can get my hands on and fits into my schedule, I’m happy to try. Recently, one of my coworkers has gotten into craft books to help support her career development.

Everyone and their dog has written a craft book. A few examples are:

  • Stephen King – On Writing – A Memoir of the Craft
  • Neil Gaiman – Neil Gaiman Teaches The Art Of Storytelling
  • Ursula K. Le Guin – Steering The Craft
  • Ray Bradbury – Zen in the Art of Writing
  • Margaret Atwood – On Writers and Writing
  • Elizabeth Gilbert – Big Magic
  • William Strunk & E. B. White – The Elements of Style
  • Dean Koontz – How to Write Bestselling Fiction
  • Angie Thomas – Find Your Voice
  • Les Edgerton – Hooked

Which is in no particular order, just ones I remember passing in my sphere of consciousness within the last 6 months or so.

Some of those you probably have heard of. Some of them you might be seeing for the first time.

Now. Google a few of those titles. How many come up with results that say “This is the best advice I’ve ever read!” or “Hands down the best advice for writers out there!” or even “This is the writer’s BIBLE!”? Were there any books on that list that made you think, “Oh, I don’t like that author”? (I hope so, I tried to get a bunch of different styles in there.)

Are there some titles you would consider useless? Some you yourself consider necessary and important?

Here’s the problem. There’s already a Stephen King out there. There’s already a Neil Gaiman, a Margaret Atwood, an Elizabeth Gilbert. We’ve already had Ursula K. Le Guin, Ray Bradbury, and E. B. White. So taking your favourite author and emulating them based on their career, their advice, and their books will in the very best scenario, produce work that is just like theirs.

Taking your favourite author’s advice as gospel can produce some good results. But it more often than not causes a situation where you are trying to force your style, your thoughts, and your ideas into forms that they are not. I’m not telling you that you are perfect and amazing and I don’t know why you’re not a best-selling author already, I’m saying I do not agree with trying to make your style an exact copy of another person’s.

So go shopping!

I don’t really like Stephen King’s books, but he has some good advice. Margaret Atwood is emotionally intense and thought-provoking. She has captivated a good percentage of people with her books and her topics. That will never be me, but using some of the tools she speaks about has helped me write more emotionally intense scenes.

Pick and choose concepts from everyone. A little bit of this and that. Put it into your writer’s shopping cart and press “Check out”.

Gather your resources from as many different places as you can. Decide what resonates with you and what you can merge comfortably with your style.

Writing Craft books are a good resource for style shopping. But there are also hundreds of them to choose from. It can be intimidating to try and pick one, and it can be really easy to fall down a black hole of reading these books and their instructions and never actually get any writing done.

Set yourself a schedule. Pick one this month you’re interested in reading, and read it. Then take a month off. Write. Don’t look for your next book, don’t research new resources, just let the information digest and percolate into your writing and your life. When you are all done with your break, make a note in a study journal about the main piece of advice that stuck with you, and resonated with you.

Now that you’re done, pick up the book and read through it again. Wash, rinse, and repeat. If you didn’t like the one you read, didn’t think it was helpful, OR didn’t feel as though any of the advice resonated with you, move on. Head to the library or the second-hand bookstore. Get a new book. Do the same thing.

You don’t need to use every spare moment to study. Too many good pieces of advice slip through your fingers that way. Your brain can only integrate so much into your style and habits at a time. Be kind to your brain. Support it as much as you can. You’ll enjoy the process more and in turn, retain more.

Conclusion: Writing Craft books can be helpful, but only if you don’t take any one source as pure gospel and allow yourself the luxury to learn over time.

I’d love to know if you have a favourite craft book! Tell me in the comments below!

Posted on by seasonsshadow

Same, Same, Different

how to make an impact with lists

I don’t know about you, but I really, REALLY like descriptors.

For example, if I saw a puppy, I won’t stick with “Hey friends! I saw a puppy!”. Instead, I want you to know I saw the smallest, cutest, fuzziest, energetic, happy white puppy! Which is fine when you’re speaking about puppies. But when you’re reading or writing about puppies? Too many words.

By trying to give specificity to the kind of puppy I saw, I might as well be writing you a list.

The puppy I saw was

  • Small
  • Cute
  • Fuzzy
  • Energetic
  • Happy
  • White

It’s clear, and for how many words I have there, it is well laid out. The problem comes when you can’t break your paragraph within your literary work to make a list like this. Yet, mashing all these words together puts you into a structural faux pas anyway. There are many ways to avoid this. I’m going to explain my favourite way – same, same, different.

A lot of people have heard of the rule of three. It’s a psychological and marketing trick, taking advantage of the human brain’s habit of seeking out patterns in things. For some reason, the number three is a fan-favourite pattern. Maybe because it’s related to the triangle, which is the strongest shape? That’s purely a guess, of course.

Anyway. Lists of three words feel complete. They make our brains feel happy when they read them. So if you use three descriptors to market your product, people will instinctively have a higher opinion of it than an identical product using more or less words.

Three words to make an impact. But which three words?

This is where the “same, same, different” tactic comes in.

Can you see it in these popular phrases?

  • Sex, drugs, and rock and roll
  • Stop, drop, and roll
  • Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness

Sex, drugs, and rock and roll. Short, short, long. Same, same, different. Stop, drop, and roll. -op word, -op word, not an -op word. Same, same, different. Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. L-word and short, l-word and short, not an l-word and long. Same, same, different.

I saw the cutest, happiest, white puppy! -est word, -est word, not -est word. Same, same, different. Try it out! Let me know some sets of three that you’ve come up with. I’d love to hear about the examples you’ve used!

Also, because I’m not a jerk, here’s the puppy I’ve been talking about! His name is Mochi.

References

Posted on by seasonsshadow

A Sandwich by Any Other Name

Sandwich. Noun. A type of food where there are two or more pieces of bread (or a split roll, or other starch) with filling in between. Eaten as a light meal. Alternatively, it can be two structural elements that secure a low-strength core. Lastly, it can be an open-faced sandwich when there is only one piece of bread or starch, and ingredients are placed on top of it.

Sandwich. Verb. To insert or enclose something between two other things, typically of a different material, quality, or character from the bit being enclosed or inserted.

Nope, this is not a post on my opinions regarding whether pizza is an open-faced sandwich or vice versa. Neither is it a deep dive into the myths and legends of where the term originated. I’m starting this post with a definition of “sandwich” so it can lend some professionalism to the rant that follows. I want it to descend into madness with a shred of credibility.

This post is about constructive feedback/criticism and the term “compliment sandwich.”

When was the last time you had a delicious sandwich loaded with ham, swiss cheese, fancy pickles or preserves, and greens, and called it a “rye sandwich” because it was on rye bread? In the same vein, if you told someone you were having a rye sandwich for lunch, they would likely assume you were trying to be clever and were drinking alcohol instead of eating.

So why on earth do we call it a “compliment sandwich” when the thing in the middle is something that needs to be worked on, and the outside “sandwiching” components are compliments? To make this feedback tactic reflect its name, we would need to offer up an issue, a compliment, and another issue. Alternately, we could call it an “issue sandwich”… But who wants the boss to come down and tell them they have an “issue sandwich” to deliver? Sounds ominous in the same way a “knuckle sandwich” sounds ominous to a kid on the playground.

Personally, I feel as though this tactic was introduced because of bad bosses. They didn’t communicate with their employees unless there was an issue, and that breeds all kinds of resentment.

A long time ago, I worked for a large corporate company. As an employee, I never heard a peep from head office or the regional directors unless they were unhappy with something. When I was promoted, there was a weekly call with corporate. They, without fail, offered a compliment, gave us something to work on, then ended with another compliment.

Know what’s worse than knowing you’re getting a weekly issue to work on? Knowing that your boss is obligated to come up with something you can be complimented on. Compliments don’t mean much if the person giving the compliment is required to think of something good you are doing in order to deliver something they want you to change.

In my current position, feedback is a near-daily experience. I don’t mind it (usually). We’re all trying to create the best version of our writing possible for the game. Extra eyes for things like spelling and grammar, the validation that others think lines are funny or particularly appropriate, and even the comments requesting changes are all welcome and appreciated.

When your higher-ups are not required to give you a compliment and you get one anyway, it feels genuine. It feels earned. Even if it’s just a comment that says “haha” or “lol” you know you got it because your writing was actually funny, not because they had to single it out in order to provide you with something else they didn’t like.

Effective feedback will give you a path to follow. “I don’t like the way this is written, can it be funnier?” or “I see where you’re going with this, but I don’t think it works in this context. Can I see some alternate ideas?” or even “This doesn’t sound as romantic as it should.” Point one! Ham up the punchline! Point two! Come up with a couple different ideas! Point three! Make it cheesier/more romantic!

The higher-ups here are clear with WHY they don’t like something. This may be shocking, but most employees are not psychic. The employees in this scenario are given direction and provide lines and work that is closer aligned with the collective vision for the submission.

Doesn’t this sound like a win-win? Something that would reduce time waste as employees and employers alike are clear on their path forward?

So throw out that grody compliment sandwich, make an effort to tell people when you like something, and always be open to talking something out!

Let me know if you have any favourite deliveries for criticism or feedback! I’d love to hear people’s preferences!

References

Posted on by seasonsshadow

I Before E Except After C is a Joke

Many a day, I review things I write, or things I say, and think to myself “I’m so glad English is my first language.” Not because of the inherent advantage it gives me, but because honestly? It’s a sheer disaster of a language. I would not want to learn it, especially if my foundational language was something nice and orderly.

Teachers try and make it easier on us. They try and come up with fun little sayings to help students learn how to spell.

How many of you spell ‘beautiful’ by mentally saying “Bee-e-a-utiful”? Or ‘nauseous’ by mentally breaking it up into “Na-use-o-us” (‘No use of us’ in a Scottish accent)? How about ‘amateur’ as “A-mate-u-r” (A mate you are)?

One of the ‘fun’ rules teachers LOVED to pound into me as a kid was “i before e, except after c,” which, did you know there’s a second part? I didn’t. It ends with “or when sounding like ‘a’ as in neighbour and weigh,” which… I suppose, shortens the list of words that don’t follow the rule.

I will not lie, I sat here sounding out words when I discovered that. Science. Psy- ANCE? Sigh-Ance? Sss-iiiiiii-ence??? Weird. Wee-rd. Forfeit. Fore-fit. For-feet? Nope. Still writing this post.

Was it Terry Pratchett that said English is 4 languages in a trenchcoat?

Thieves. We’re all a bunch of dirty word-thieves. Thieving words from every language we come across. Which is funny to me, because Old English is the root of the problem with the i before e exceptions, so not only are we thieves, but we can’t even get our OWN garbage together. Now we have words like guru. Kindergarten. Cafe. Glitch. Patio. Ketchup. How are we supposed to keep a straight face when teaching people how to grammar in this Frankenstein’s Monster of a language?

Statistically, the odds are about 3 to 1 that an i comes before an e.

Why can’t we just say that?

Any kid that knows the word ‘ballet’, or is learning how to spell ‘hors d’oeuvre’ already knows words are a disaster, it will NOT surprise anyone to hear “if you’re unsure, do ‘ie’ as it is statistically more probable.” Except, obviously, worded in a way small humans would appreciate.

Why maintain the lie “i before e, except after c” is a rule? It messes with people. I have had a lot of arguments with other adults both as one and before I was one about this.

It’s believed that spelling bees are only done in English. I mean, take German and Japanese for example. German, if you can sound it out, you can spell it. Japanese has 3 different writing systems. One, is for foreign words – typically phonetic as per their language rules. Another is the general writing system. The last is Kanji, the complicated pictorials similar to or taken from Chinese. These can be difficult, but it’s not a spelling thing, it’s a word association thing.

All this to say, please, can we stop making up “rules” for kids to learn? Especially if they have more than like… 5 native exceptions?

References

Posted on by seasonsshadow

“That’s Neat”! “That’s Neat!” Or… “That’s Neat,”!

Do you know what grammatical duo are complete bullies? Quotation marks and punctuation. I hold this to be true because I feel like my editing journey can sometimes be entirely derailed by the gaslighting they provide. There are 6-ish rules for using them. There are 15-ish situations where you may have to stop and think about what you are doing and what the punctuation is saying. Here I’ll talk a little more about the ones that are most relevant to my day-to-day writing.

The first word in a direct quote should be capitalized, even when it doesn’t look like the punctuation suggests it should be. For example,

It was hardly a whisper, “Did you hear that?”

Except when you are splitting it up, of course, and are continuing a quotation already started earlier in the sentence.

“I was just thinking,” it was more to himself than her, “we’re not very well hidden.”

To boot, the above example also illustrates another point. When you are breaking up someone talking to interject additional information or context, induce a mental pause for people by slapping a comma at the end of the break. More clearly:

“Could you,” slowly the idea was coming to her, “reach behind that box,” her nod indicated which one she was talking about, “and get that board loose?”

Okay, okay, it’s not the most eloquent I’ve ever been, but it belabours the point and repetition is the key to remembering.

The comma continues to take the spotlight as we continue. When you have a direct reference to the person speaking, even if you think you want to use a full stop, it is not a full stop. It’s only a full stop after your preferred synonym for ‘said’.

“I think so,” he replied.

This comma rule *might* not apply if you are using the quotations for when the speaking character is quoting another character – quoteception, if you will. In this case, it’s entirely possible that there’s no punctuation at all until you are well away from whatever the quote within a quote is.

“Are you serious? There’s no ‘I think so’ about it! Yes or no!”

Now that I’ve spent an obnoxious amount of time talking about commas, let’s shift gears for a little bit. Let’s talk about more specialized punctuation, like question marks.

A question mark! Where do you put it? Always inside the quotation marks? Where all good punctuation gets tucked in? Not always.

If the speaker is asking specifically about a quote, then the question mark goes on the outside of the quote. So, what if you are questioning or seeking clarification about a question?

“Wasn’t it you that said ‘How bad could it be?’?”

Look how stupid that looks. I regret typing it with my own fingers. Luckily, that is not proper. Not the capitalization part, that’s proper, because ‘How bad could it be’ is a full and complete sentence by itself. If it was a fragmented thought or a partial quote, then it would NOT be capitalized. So, to accommodate the proper punctuation, it should have been:

“Wasn’t it you that said ‘How bad could it be’?”

The punctuation at the end, because it would legitimately be a double question mark, is just removed. If the quotation ends the speaking line, then typically, as a courtesy, you would end the quotation with the single quotation, leave a space, then end with the double quotation mark. Are you with me still? There are three things I want to talk about left, and I promise I’ll tie it up in a neat bow after.

“I can’t believe you’re blaming me! YOU’RE the one who suggested it! ‘It’ll be fun,’ you said!”

See that there? You thought we were done with commas, but they really are the star of the show here.

She adjusted herself as best she could against her bindings, and peered out through the slatted closet door. “Of course I said it would be fun! I was flirting with you! I was happy you seemed receptive!
“Besides. Don’t you think it’s kind of romantic to go somewhere scary? With someone you like, who offers to protect you from anything bad that might happen?” There was a chill to her tone.

When you’re splitting a person’s speech over a paragraph break, you leave the initial paragraph with open double quotations and begin the next paragraph with quotation marks again. This, as far as I can tell, is a simplified indicator to the reader that it is still the same person droning on. Like when you have them delivering an evil villain speech.

The last point is something I want to be careful about. Using quotation marks to indicate something’s name, or to indicate sarcasm. Too many times, people use quotation marks to emphasize things. Please never use quotation marks for emphasis. A great man said that. Weird Al Yankovic. If you go against those wise words, it makes people think there’s something wrong with the thing you are emphasizing.

“I can’t help it if my ‘friend’ hyped it up! She said it was popular! ‘Teen Scene’ ran a whole article on it,” his cries echoed loudly. Footsteps, heavy on the old wooden floors, started approaching.

When you read that, you didn’t think that the person who recommended this was *really* a friend, did you? ‘Friend’ being in quotations immediately implies sarcasm. Hopefully, I can hammer home my point with the following example:

If you put out a cup of bucatini (a long spaghetti-like pasta with a hole running all the way down the middle) in a cup, it would be perfectly acceptable to label it “straws” WITH quotation marks. Why? Well, they sure as hell AREN’T straws, but they’ll work like a straw!

The difference between single and double quotation marks is for reasons of clarity. Since things within the speaking line still need punctuation to indicate that it is a quote or emphasized within the line, using the single markings is common practice.

Now! Remember when I said I would tie it all up for you in a nice little bow? This whole thing makes a passage. It includes most instances of quotation marks and their associated punctuation frequently used in creative writing exercises.

It was hardly a whisper, “Did you hear that?”
“I was just thinking,” it was more to himself than her, “we’re not very well hidden.”
“Could you,” slowly the idea was coming to her, “reach behind that box,” her nod indicated which one she was talking about, “and get that board loose?”
“I think so,” he replied.
“Are you serious? There’s no ‘I think so’ about it! Yes or no!”
“Wasn’t it you that said ‘How bad could it be’?”
“I can’t believe you’re blaming me! YOU’RE the one who suggested it! ‘It’ll be fun,’ you said!”
She adjusted herself as best she could against her bindings, and peered out through the slatted closet door. “Of course I said it would be fun! I was flirting with you! I was happy you seemed receptive!
“Besides. Don’t you think it’s kind of romantic to go somewhere scary? With someone you like, who offers to protect you from anything bad that might happen?” There was a chill to her tone.
“I can’t help it if my ‘friend’ hyped it up! She said it was popular! ‘Teen Scene’ ran a whole article on it,” his cries echoed loudly. Footsteps, heavy on the old wooden floors, started approaching.

So tell me! Is something like this helpful? Do you have your own ways of remembering the many rules of punctuation and quotation mark bullies? If you have a clear way of explaining the dreaded colon and semi-colon, I’m looking forward to hearing it!

Resources

Posted on by seasonsshadow

English – Why Are You Like This?

Would you like to know what this post was supposed to be about? This post was supposed to do a bit of an outline on when to use spacing in your words versus when you should leave them together. I spent a little while brainstorming what kind of words I wanted to use as examples and I was all prepared to write them up and discuss if there was some hard and fast rule of when to use them together versus spaced out.

Instead, I found myself down this rabbit hole of word definitions.

Let me explain.

The words that my brain goblin really likes to second guess are things like into/in to, onto/on to, altogether/all together, ahold/a hold, setup/set up, onboard/on board, and nevermind/never mind.

So first. Things like in and on are usually prepositions. For those that need a reminder, a preposition is the part of a sentence that will explain where in relation to another thing the subject is. For example, Mary is on the bed. Mary is the subject, and ‘on’ dictates where she is in relation to the bed. If we change the preposition to ‘in’, that adjusts our understanding of where Mary is. In the first example, she exists on the bed as a whole. Once it is changed to ‘in’, this implies that she is likely under the covers as she is now inside the bed as a whole. Unless there was an unfortunate murder, it is safe to say that ‘in’ the bed would only be comfortable if you were in amongst the blanket parts.

Okay sweet. Now how about in to vs into? Well, into is also a preposition. Usually. If we stick with the example from the last paragraph, Mary can get into bed, just as she is in bed. This is just the difference between whether it is an action that you are talking about, or whether it is the location you are talking about. Can you bring the groceries into the house? Otherwise, if you want to know where the groceries are, they are in the car, because no one’s brought them inside yet.

I have two rules of thumb here because there are always exceptions to the rules of how you use these words and using the two of them together is ALMOST foolproof. (Except for English deciding that to shapeshift, or to undergo metamorphosis is to change into something else. That’s a rant for another day.)

Rule ONE: Is the space, concept, object, or state something you can abstractly or concretely put your subject in or access? Shock, kitchen, desk drawer, meditation. She went into shock. She went into the kitchen. She went into the desk drawer. She went into meditation.

Rule TWO: Can you put a comma between ‘in’ and ‘to’ and it still makes sense as proper English and doesn’t change the meaning? Shock, kitchen, desk drawer, meditation. She went in, to shock. To shock what? Not a sentence. She went in, to the kitchen. She went inside the house. She stood like a sim, aimless at the kitchen border, not entering, just staring. Okay, I’m sure someone somewhere used that as a real sentence, but hopefully, you’re picking up what I’m putting down? She went in, to the desk drawer. Again, she goes there and just stands, staring at the drawer. Maybe she doesn’t have a key. She went in, to meditation. This isn’t conjugated properly so is not a sentence.

Happily, everything I’ve said above applies to ‘onto’ vs ‘on to’ with the adjustment of instead of the subject being abstractly or concretely being able to be in or access, the subject can be placed abstractly or concretely on top of something.

This sadly does not carry over to altogether, all together, ahold, a hold, setup, set up, onboard, on board, nevermind, and never mind!

Before anyone says anything about these all being conjugated words versus prepositions, no. Up and on are prepositions.

So let’s take all together and altogether. Different words. Because sometimes language be like that. Altogether is an adverb. If you can replace it with ‘wholly’ or ‘completely’, you are using the right form. All together is an adverb, modified by a determiner. If you remove “all” and the sentence still more or less makes sense, then you’ve got it. If it no longer makes sense, perhaps you should be using ‘altogether’.

Example! Mary was altogether fed up with John’s behaviour. Mary was all together fed up with John’s behaviour. Mary was ‘completely’ fed up with John’s behaviour sounds okay, but Mary was together fed up with John’s behaviour doesn’t make much sense. The correct usage is then ‘Mary was altogether fed up with John’s behaviour.’

Example again! The group was excited to be altogether again. The group was excited to be all together again. The group was excited to be ‘completely’ again does not make sense, but the group was excited to be together again makes sense. The correct usage is then ‘The group was excited to be all together again.’

Are you still with me? This is turning out to be a long one. In an effort not to waste your time with filler and fluff, I’m heading right into talking about ‘setup and set up’.

Setup is the noun. Person place or thing. Set up is the verb. Action, occurrence, or state of being. You can be set up because you are the subject and the thing is happening to you. You can’t be setup. You are not a computer, and you do not need all your settings adjusted to function. A smart toaster that is voice-activated can be set up (placed upright on a surface) and requires setup (programming to toast your toast and recognize your voice). If you yourself are not this toaster, you can’t be both.

Now for another relatively straightforward one with a bonus hyphenated occurrence! Onboard has the corporate definition of training people and amalgamating them into a company’s structure and ideologies. On-board reflects the location of something within a vessel that travels over land, through the sea, or in the air. On board is the term for being present in the vessel whether it is moving or stationary at the time. If you are thinking you don’t see that much difference between the last two, the third example is when it is used as a preposition, and the second is when it is used as an adjective. I don’t have a trick for this one. I looked for a few days to see if the internet had anything better to say but came up empty. I’d love to hear from you if you have something that works for you!

I will start the next section with a little filler and fluff. This choice might have been made because there’s no point in pretending I’m perfect and just know all this stuff. Guess what I learned while I was researching my little trouble phrasings?

That I should not be using ‘nevermind’. Like, ever. Why? Because it currently belongs specifically to the turn of phrase ‘no nevermind’. Haven’t heard of it? No. Me neither. Apparently, if something is bothering you, someone may tell you to pay it ‘no nevermind’. I’ll let you draw your own conclusions on this one. I personally don’t know how I feel about it.

The last combo I had on my little list was ‘a hold’ vs ‘ahold’. I debated leaving it out because it’s a slippery slope between accepting ‘ahold’ as a word, and accepting ‘alot’ as a word which I am absolutely against.

In fact, please see exactly how I feel in the timeless Hyperbole and a Half blog.

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/04/alot-is-better-than-you-at-everything.html

Ahold is an informal word that has been recognized by dictionaries. You can use it in the context of grabbing ahold of something or getting ahold of someone. What I want you to notice is that in both cases, the ‘ahold’ is followed by an ‘of’. This is it. This is the whole trick. If the phrasing is ‘This television show has a hold on me’, you can’t replace ‘a hold’ with ‘ahold’, there is no ‘of’! Since ‘ahold’ is informal anyway, if you are ever unsure, err on the side of ‘a hold’!

So there you have it. Something that was supposed to take me a few hours this weekend to type up and get ready for you ended up taking much longer and now has me questioning everything English does. I hope you found this interesting or useful, and I would love to hear about the words that sometimes give you trouble, or if you have any tricks to share about the above!

REFERENCES

Posted on by seasonsshadow

Change Paragraphs Every Time You SPIT

Have you heard the “Tip Top” trick for knowing when to break paragraphs? Create new paragraphs each time you change – TIme, Place, TOpic, Person.

TIme – Make a new paragraph any time that you are skipping either forward or backward in time.

Place – Make a new paragraph any time that you are moving to a new place. If your piece was a film, this would be a transition. If your piece was a play, this would be a set change.

TOpic – Any new topics, ideas, or subjects need to have their time to shine and grab the reader’s attention. Do this by introducing them in their own paragraph.

Person – When you are writing in an omnipotent point of view and change focus to a different person change paragraphs. When a new person is speaking, new paragraph. When you are introducing a new character then guess what? New paragraph.

I have one I like a little better than that.

Change paragraphs every time you SPIT.

Or, for a catchier/morally questionable option –

SPLIT WHERE YOU SPIT.

S – Speaker

You HAVE to break paragraphs each time a new speaker takes the spotlight, or every time the speaker changes within a dialogue. I know this is a modern rule but it was implemented for clarity. Dante did not follow this rule. I never knew if he or Virgil were speaking in the Divine Comedy. I would punch Dante if I had that power. It’s hard to follow and in modern writings can stall the flow of the text.

P – Place

Please change a paragraph when the focus of your narrative moves to a different place. Place is not just geographical. It can also be emotional or a state of mind, if you care to debate philosophy. This point is nearly identical to the one in TIP TOP. If your piece was a film, a new paragraph would happen every time there was a scene transition. If your piece was a play, a new paragraph would happen every time you struck the stage. When I refer to the emotional place or state of mind, I have found that it can be helpful to really accent and emphasize that change or difference between the two states when you break.

I – Introduce

“Introduce” is kind of my cheater point. If you are introducing a speaker, a place, a state of mind etc you likely already have made the necessary paragraph breaks. Consider this though, I needed a vowel to make my acronym work.

Okay but on a more serious note, I wanted a catch all for introducing new ideas, new plot points, new non-speaking characters, and anything else that you would care to bring into your work in progress. “Introduce” is a fairly good way to emphasize that everything in your writing, if it is worth mentioning, is worth a proper introduction and should be relevant to your work. If you are struggling to give the element its own paragraph, consider if it is really necessary or if there is a way to acknowledge it in an alternate way.

T – Time

This point is the same as the one in TIP TOP. Any time you are moving either forwards or backwards in time, you should be creating a new paragraph. If nothing else, the new paragraph will force your reader to pause which can create enough mental space for you to ease your reader into the alternate time stream.

I used a couple of references to help me lay out the above thoughts.

I would love to hear thoughts on the above, or what other writers (regardless of genre) have found helpful in their paragraph splitting journeys!

Posted on by seasonsshadow

My OTN -> One True Nemesis

Affect vs. Effect

So the hope in writing a post on my OTN super duper early in this website is twofold.

1) I will get a handle on it a bit more and maybe help others in the future.

2) If this website takes off my deep dark grammatical failure will be hidden away in the recesses of time.

Not to be dramatic though.

I have read a lot of descriptors about how to use affect and effect. I have heard all of the tips and tricks. A is for Action and that is Affect (a verb!). E is for End result and that is Effect (a noun!). I have put it in order so it spells RAVEN (Remember! Affect is a Verb! Effect is a Noun!) If it was as easy as that, then I wouldn’t be here, lamenting my inability to keep the two straight.

Affect

Let’s start with Affect. The Verb. A refresher on verbs? Merriam-Webster considers the essential meaning of a verb “a word that is usually one of the main parts of a sentence and that expresses an action, an occurrence, or a state of being.”

If you are impacting something, you are probably affecting it. If you act on something, you are affecting it. If you change something, you are affecting it. If you influence or improve something, you are affecting it. Now, just in case you are thinking “well of course this is all very straight forward” I have two more for you. If you have steady, unchanging, baseline emotions, you have flat affect. Another, in case you were still feeling confident. If you are pretentious, or you are pretending to be someone you’re not trying to impress other people, you affect that trait. You can affect an accent. I mean, please don’t. But you could.

If Thing A is doing something to PRODUCE a desired result, then it is affect.

Effect

The noun! Similarly to its precursor, I will start with the Merriam-Webster definition. “A word that is the name of something (such as a person, animal, place, thing, quality, idea, or action) and is typically used in a sentence as subject or object of a verb or as object of a preposition.” I personally find this one helps me less but in the interest of treating these words fairly I pursue.

If the subject experiences the thing, it is effect. If you can replace “effect” with the word “result” or “consequence” then you have used it right (for most applications). If you are effective, you are successful. This is the end result.

Examples? Sure.

“This will take effect tomorrow.”

“Despite how many he had downed, the beer seemed to have no effect.”

“Nurse April handed over the husband’s personal effects.”

Closing thoughts

I read that if there’s an “a”/”an”/”the” in front of the subject/object then that’s a pretty good way to determine that the correct word is effect. I haven’t tested this myself but it seems to check out so far.

Just because I am an Agent of Chaos I will give you a counterintuitive example. It is better to effect change than it is to affect change. To affect change means that you are impacting the change, which is pretty good. To effect change is to create and bring about change. That is a much stronger movement in most everyone’s opinion.

Because affect and effect are my OTN, this post was hard to write. Even though I spent a week reading articles on the difference. This is a call to all Grammar Nazis. Please comment if you see something in this post that represents affect and effect poorly (besides my attitude). I’d love the opportunity to reign victorious over my nemesis!

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